Saturday, June 13, 2009

Caught with my Pants down - Literally!!

Dictionary meaning :
[ak-si-duh nt]
an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap: automobile accidents.

I have never been involved in a serious one so far. Or at least didn’t lose a limb or a leg. I was really lucky. All I lost was a little self respect here a little dignity there.

In fact I plan to chronicle my life with such accidents as the milestones of my growing years. its going to be titled " The growing tears."

Only point folks. All those who thank me for making them laugh. Well, they were accidents. I expected some compassion and understanding. Hate you guys.

Bumblebee goes to school : I was maybe 13. Try as I did , was never able to reach school in time. The gates used to be locked sharply at 8.30. so the only way was through the barbed fencing. One day in a hurry , totally oblivious, I tore my shorts. Rushed to the class as the kids were marching in after the prayers. It was a rainy day. As I ran , I slipped in a poodle where the construction was underway. Education is never easy.
The whole class surrounded me. I was red as they started jeering me. As I stood up, there was another round of laughter as the guys noticed my bloodied cheek peeping out of my shorts. I stood there frozen. Just then there was a hush. The prettiest girl on whom I had a crush but afraid to tell came forward. She picked my bag and came close to me. It was magical. I could here no one. See no one. I thought that this was my moment.

She came close to me, put her hand around my shoulder and whispered those three magical words in my ears, “ Pant is torn”. The sadists were clapping wildly.

I wished I was a Maori, a native New Zealander, and could have done a full
whakapohane (baring one’s buttocks, a traditional Māori insult) instead of that one peeping act.

Make me a kid lord for that one act of revenge.

Bumblebee on a date : She was my first real date. I didn’t want anything to go wrong. A friend advised visit the restaurant , bribe the staff, plan the music. I opted for a candlelit with the romantic Manhattan song, “ want the shining stars.”
As I entered the foyer with my pretty date, the usher saw us. He was as large as Khali, the WWF monster who made me look like an elf.

He gave me a wide smile and bowed respectfully to my date. She was pleased as punch. I got the kick. Literally.

As he opened the door with all the energy induced by my bribe, his giant elbow hit me on my face like a sledge hammer and I simply saw stars.

As we entered inside, the band started playing shining stars. I thought they were playing for me. for that’s all I saw that night. Until I passed out that is.

Bumblebeee in charity : My heart always is in charity. So during tsunami, I arranged for a documentary on the ravages wreaked by tsunami. Just before that, I was talking with my agent and his son was fiddling with my mobile. He said I had a lousy ring tone and could he change it. I absent mindedly said go ahead.
Well before the presentation, I gave a small introduction about the NGO and urged people to switch off their mobiles during the presentation. I barely noticed the brat keeping my mobile on the desk before leaving.
As the documentary began , the audience was totally stricken by the enormity of the situation. Suddenly to my horror the crazy frog ring tone broke the trance.
I couldn’t comprehend for a whole minute as the crowds gasped at the insensitivity.
As the kid came quietly and switched off the mobile everyone looked gratefully at him 'what a nice kid' the look said and looked at me with that despicable look as he handed me the same.
“ what a jerk” the look said.

Bumblebee on the podium : It was an august gathering. I had to round up the show with a brief introduction about my company. As I walked up, I slipped and fell down. I could immediately feel a trapped nerve in my leg.
As some one helped me to the dias, I remarked, “ Ladies and Gentlemen, some good news and some bad. The good news is that I think I have injured myself. So I can’t stand long. So I will be brief. The bad news is that I injured my leg and not my mouth. So I can still talk.” I got a standing ovation.

Bumblebee meets an o'le friend : I was on a visit to India. I was in the market. Suddenly someone tapped me on my shoulder. I was looking at my friend whom I had never seen for almost a decade. We exchanged our addresses and decided to meet at his place for a drink and a dinner. The kind man picked me up and we had a whale of a time. His wife was in splits. I told her how close we were. And she said she could feel the chemistry between us.

And then it happened. I suddenly asked him how was his younger brother. He thought it was one of my silly pranks. He said I don’t have a brother. And horror of horrors! I blurted, “ aren’t you xxx?”.

He was a sport. He went and brought out his old album and showed me who he was.

i was kicking myself. he was my best friend in school!

All that time I was longing to be the Great runner Usain Bolt. And do what he did best.



  1. Wow! So accident prone! Completely hilarious though. Made a very good read:)

  2. Thanks choco. grateful for your comments.