To Sir with love.

Today is the teachers day. Wonder how many people remember that? Wouldn’t blame them though. Now we almost celebrate everyone’s day.

But push your valentine for a moment and give this soul some space.

The teacher leaves behind an indelible mark on us. ask me!I can slide my hand inside my pant and feel. The marks are no longer there. but I can still feel the pain!

We belong to the era when it was not fashionable to spare the rod.

Each teacher had his own school of thought. But they all agreed on one point. The only way these brats could be disciplined was by being generous with the cane.

Well all teachers weren’t so predictable. Some were quite innovative.

Some progressive and technologically advanced believed in missiles. My Maths teacher used to throw duster if he heard even a whisper from any direction. The students soon became adept in ducking. Some became good catchers too. Wish our cricket players had such teachers!

I did my initial schooling from St.Johns’. The father there was an environmentalist. He didn’t believe in tampering with nature. So the use of scale or duster was kind of anathema to him. He had , what then was called a ‘tappu’ a long swinging bulbous weapon which he tapped on the head leaving the victim teary eyed. Mother nature was a cohort too.

Then there was one sadist. He used to insert a pencil between two fingers and give the fingers a squeeze. The shrieks of the hapless student were enough to scare the day lights of the other students. No wonder, his assignments were always submitted on time.

I remember a pretty teacher who unfortunately had to teach our class as her first assignment. Bad luck for her. It was the most notorious class. She was a very sweet and kind hearted lady. Maybe she was warned in the teachers’ room to carry a scale.

But when the time came to use it, her hands faltered. She gave a kiss of the scale on one of our class mate’s hands leaving the class rolling on the floor. Soon this news spread in the school. Today I can imagine the torment she must have gone through. For once even our Principal couldn’t hide his smirk when he came to our class to advise us.

If someone thinks that these teachers were the watered version of Atilla the hun, you have another think coming. They were the most kind hearted and dedicated people I have ever seen. I can say they did a very good job. If there are some lacuna, the fault is totally ours.


I remember how when I had to return to my old school mid term and the new principal refused to accept my application asking me to return in the next year, my chemistry , English and biology teacher went in a delegation and convinced him. To top it, my chemistry teacher even got me scholarship so I didn’t pay any fees for the last two years of my school. Teachers , I bow my head.

I was away from home for my last two years of school. I was almost adopted by the teachers there. They were my parents, my guides my everything. Much to my embarrassment, the home science teacher often brought lunch for me and made me sit and eat in the teachers room. I used to shudder because it used to be followed by a lot of ragging from my class mates. Sissy boy!

I once met my vice principal after a span of almost ten years in a book store while I was buying books for my nephew. As I bent down and touched his feet , he was visibly moved. He wanted to say a lot, but just a few tears rolled. I too drove back home misty eyed.

The exigency of work , the pressures of modern life and sheer laziness; I have practically lost touch with my class mates. We didn’t have the benefit of internet then. No emails. It was still old fashioned post cards. We weren’t different than the youngsters of today. We never wrote to each other.

One old friend somehow reached me after almost twenty years! the first thing he shared was that our Physics teacher came to attend his wedding and he was the most important guest for him.

Immediately after my mother’s death, my sister was unable to teach her students. I taught them for a month. When I was leaving for USA, a shy teenager came and presented me a clock. It had four simple words. “ To Sir with love.”

That was the best gift anyone had ever given me. even today it sits proudly on my table.

I can never claim that I was as good a teacher as my teachers. But it still felt good.

Wish I could roll back the time and do the same for my teachers too. Tell them that our wickedness didn’t mean a thing and that you were the best thing that happened to us.

Alas! His clock has only one direction. It only moves forward.

All I can do is rub my seat and remember the indelible mark they left.

Teachers ! You are priceless. May you live long!

(Yes I know the Title says Sir but doris day looked so pretty.couldn't resist!)

Mafia wars - facebook else face the book!

It is one of the most popular game on Face book.
“ Start a Mafia family with your friends, run a criminal empire and fight to be the most powerful family.” Screams the heading. I was first introduced to it by a friend. It has die hard fans all over the world. On last count they must be numbering close to 20 Million!
Somehow I just avoided it. Its very time consuming. And very competitive.
I left competitive sports when I was 15 years old. When my ass was whooped by a 14 year old in a badminton zonal competition and my class mates, who came to cheer me, were so ashamed of me that they pretended they were from his school and started cheering him instead.one of them was my girl friend.
The position at the top can be very lonely. Ask Roger Federer. Or Raphael Nadal.
It can be very lonely at the bottom as well. Ask me!.
But crime doesn’t pay. It needs no Albert Einstein to understand it.
To become a Don, you need two things. The brain the size of a lima bean.
Two as Don Vito Genovese would say, “ balls!”
I positively failed on the second count. The first I hopefully did too.
I may now be searching for a rental apartment every month, but thankfully my address wouldn’t ever read Chanchal Guda or Tihar Jail or some county jail!
Why do the rich commit crime?
There are three most compelling reason for crimes. Money, Power and sex.
To me the most compelling one is money. money brings an illusion of power. Power brings in the abuse of sex.
The fourth reason could be self destruction.
Three Indians. All in different parts of the world. All three rich. (One perhaps a tad too rich.) all drunk in their power and over confidence.
Ramalinga Raju , one of the top CEOs. Shiny Ahuja,( A budding talent. I recently saw the movie Metro. He did a fine job in it). Anand Jon, a mover and shaker. A budding fashion designer. Had Paris Hilton and Oprah as his client.

What did they lack? perhaps their lima beans had shrunken further. Or perhaps they took their Mafia war game too seriously!

One rapes his company, the other his maid and the third anything that wears a skirt and walks on two legs! why is common sense so rare?

The irony is that Anand Jon’s sister wants the Indian government to intervene. He has been sentenced to 59 years for sex crimes. Some of his victims were even minors as alleged. Wonder how would the government proceed?
Borrow Jesus ? “ Father ! forgive them for they do not know what they do!”

I don’t know whether the officials in the Ministry Of External affairs have heard of Mafia games. But if I were them, I would have preferred playing this rather than the real thing. Its easy defending a criminal on the facebook than in real life.

My friends and fans of the Mafia wars. Hope you create your empire only on the board.

Lord ! oh lord!

Dear God,

This is not a spam. But we have millions of God in the Hindu religion and I wouldn’t want to be rude addressing only a few of you. I am , therefore , like the Marketing gods of present times, mass mailing you all. Hope you understand.

I promise lords, that I shall pray thou, the complex mathemagicians that you all are , if only you help me solve some of the pretty nasty equations in my life which I am unable to comprehend.

I have answers to some pretty easy ones like what is life after death, the non equilibrium thermodynamics of heterogenous systems, Memristors and swift chips.

But there are some complex issues I have no clue of. Help me dear God. Life would be that much simpler and I would have more time to think, thank and pray!

WHY ?

1. The prettiest girl in the lift smiles at me only when I am nursing the worst hangover.
2. The ball lands on the zero of the Roulette wheel always a spin late after my bet at the casino.
3. The fattest guy sit next to me in the aisle seat on a long flight.
4. The kid next to me in Mcdonald trips and spills Ketchup on my shirt only when I have my whitest shirt on?
5. Only the important mails go to the spam and the spams come into the inbox.
6. Whenever I jump the light at the signal, an officer is round the corner?
7. Do I wake up at 5.00 am on a weekend but find it hard to do so when I have to catch an early flight?
8. the battery of my mobile discharges only when I am on some very important call.
9. the people I really enjoy chatting are always busy and the people who are a pain in you know where are always free.
11. The best shows during vacations are only the next day when I am leaving.
12 . does it have to rain when I have an interview and wearing my best suit and am without an umbrella.
13.
on the highway, I get the urge to go the rest room only after I read the sign saying that no service area for the next 25 miles?
14. People pay to read when a jerk called Murphy chronicles it and call it as Murphy's Law but dismiss it as attention seeking whinging of a frustrated ranter when i write!

Waiting for your email.

A disillusioned soul.

The Environmental ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was taking up the Myer Briggs assessment for an interview. The Myer Briggs test is a psychometric test which is designed to test how you react to various situations and your decision making abilities in different circumstances.

I was going through the maze of questions , each question repeated in ten different ways so as to get the most authentic answers

As I finished the test and collected my things to leave, the lady at the counter smiled and me and said, “ Thanks young man. We will get back to you.”

I was taken aback. Young man! Then I again looked at her. She looked a ripe sixty or more.

The West and the East have different ways of looking at age. In the West it is just a number. In the East it is more than that.

I remember a young Indian lady who became my fan after reading my blog and started chatting regularly. One day she thanked me for some advise and cutely said she loved me. I was flattered. Her next comment brought me crashing down. She said I reminded of her father. I asked her how old is he? She replied dead pan , “70.” Thanks young lady you made my day!

Another time I was having dinner with some young Indian students in Virginia. We were in a Mexican restaurant and had already knocked off a few margaritas. We ordered delicious chimichangas. The portions were sumptuous. I was unable to finish it.
A kind hearted but concerned student from Kolkata enquired if I was unable to finish it because I was oldie or I was avoiding cos i was fatty. I knew he meant no disrespect.

I looked at him again. He was definitely heavier than me by a few stones. And I was going to the gym regularly.

I remembered my neighbor who was a good friend of mine. He was a single parent and so sometimes I used to help him in picking or dropping his twelve year old son Ralph.

Ralph was a chatter box. He had lots of stories to share. His school, his studies, his teachers and his girl friends. But he used to sternly warn me, “ Look I know you are my dad’s friend. But you are my friend too. So you better keep this a secret.”

I had to cross my heart several times.

There was a swamiji I met a few years before. He had said that you can find your mirror image in the nature. I had jocularly asked him if I could look in some four legged animal.
He stared at me long and then replied , TREES!.” I asked which one. He waved me off saying go find it our yourself.

I am imagining. How these folks would see me?
The pretty girl would see me in a Bunyan tree. The Bengali boy would look for something equally old but with a girth.

Young Ralph may select a tender plant which he could reach out to.

Me ! I am confused. Maybe an oak tree.

The four legged animal would have been better.

I am not a Pig Farah!

The Pigs never had it so good. They simply refuse to yield their top position in the headlines.

The distressed people, the mango junta , tired of swine flu were looking for stars for some respite. Alas, the stars couldn’t themselves think beyond pigs.

Manoj Kumar was indeed a big star of yesteryears. So when he accuses Farah of calling him a Pig, well , every one sits up and listen. Not surprisingly there were more than hundred comments.

Farah must be kicking herself for being such a sow. Now she may be obnoxious , but to be fair to her she was just using the ‘propah’ term. All she said was that his movie was a chest nut of ham scenes which literally meant that he had overacted.

After the outbreak of swine flu , people are wary of eating pork.
The geriatric actor may be missing the delicious sausages in his breakfast.
Perhaps that’s why he only read ham and saw hmmmm pigs!

But if it is any consolation to Farah , she may not be the only victim of the queens English. It is a great leveler and treats every one with the same disdain. That’s why perhaps its called the Queens English!

One British gentleman was asked to open his bag at the airport. He jocularly commented, “ Better be careful. Its so loaded with clothes that it may explode the moment you open it.” The alert official heard no further. This guy was taken in and strip searched!

Once a pesky friend of a friend of a friend from India was bugging me for getting him a software project. I explained that it would be unethical as I was being paid by my company to do precisely that. When I couldn’t shake this guy off I tried to excuse myself by pretending I was busy. “ I am afraid I cant chat with you now.” I wrote. The valiant entrepreuner kept asking me who was I afraid of ? was my boss sitting next to me?

I therefore prefer to simply wish some one good luck instead of the rather theatrical , go break a leg. Knowing Indian generosity, I shudder at someone praying that I break both my legs!

Sometimes I do wonder if language is meant to communicate or to leave you clueless!
My experience with all the banks has been terrible. When you send them a mail, they reply in such a garbled, incoherent and stupid way that you are left none the wiser.

In those frustrating moments , I swear at them calling them Pigs! No hamming there , I swear.

My sister mentioned this remarkable talent and now I am a big fan. I am sure we will see a lot of him in the future.

Lion of the senate

Rest in Peace




EDWARD KENNEDY ( 1932- 2009)

The Jinnah conundrum

Jinnah died many an autumns ago. May his soul rest in peace. He must be enjoying his time puffing his favorite cigar in the garden of Eden.

He was an urbane, literate old man. Although the Mobile was not invented in his time, I am sure he would be a quick learner and if asked to send an SMS to Jaswant singh on his latest book he would send a terse , LMAO ( Laughing my ass off! )

The equally urbane Jaswant singh, not be outdone would send a ROFL ( Rolling on the floor laughing). He would have loved to invent something like LATWTTB ( Laughing all the way to the Bank).

Indeed these two must be the only people laughing in this sordid episode.

I have always been a great supporter of the BJP. I found them a lot refreshing and democratic than the power hungry and sycophantic congress.

Another big difference was Vajpayee.

I grew up listening to his fiery oratory. I remember as a kid, I used to throw my books and rush to the square where Vajpayee used to speak and listen to him mesmerized.

The day he lost from Gwalior was a sad day. I must admit, though, that Late Scindia was a credit to the city. He can take credit for a lot of development. But he wasn’t half as charismatic. I missed Vajpayee who never forgave Gwalior and shifted to Lucknow.

With Vajpayee gone and Advani on the wane , the BJP has started looking like a B Team of the Congress. I can hardly distinguish. Actually Congress looks much more refreshing and democratic today.

I once described congress as a circus with an Italian ring master with all the lions and tigers gone. And what were left were only clowns and monkeys.

Today the BJP looks like the Disney has been outsourced. The mickey mouses and Donald ducks, you will find all of them there.

There is an intellectual vacuity now. Sudheendra Kulkarni, one of the finest brains in the party resigned and Arun Shourie looks to be on his way out. God help!

We criticized Congress on Emergency. Can we condone Modi on banning the book in Gujrat? Isn’t something like democracy alive?

should really anyone care too much about this book?

Jinnah is dead. And so is Nehru and Patel. Partition is something real and irreversible. It doesn’t matter who was responsible. Pakistan is as much real as India. for the modern generation, these tall leaders are nothing more than frames on the wall. They have more important issues of survival than the academic interest in who did and who didn’t.

I never quite understood why do we treat any praise of Pakistan or its leaders as unpatriotic. Are we so insecure? We should be proud of our democracy. We are not Pakistan. Any healthy debate should be encouraged.

For a country to flourish, the opposition is as important as the ruling party.we do not have a shadow cabinet like say UK. but that doesnt reduce its importance. The country needs a healthy BJP as much as it needs a vibrant Congress.

The congress to its credit has been pretty dignified in its response. I wish the BJP remains too.

A modern India cant be built by performing autopsy of a dead historical issue.

History has its own value. But when we allow the historical issues to override our counsel, there’s a risk of making your party a history. beware of becoming prisoners of history.

The BJP should remember that.

It doesn’t matter what Jaswant Singh personally thinks. He is anyway LATWTTB

It's saddening to know that MJ died of overdose of medication. genius like him are rarely born. To lose him this way is a shame.