Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Steve Jobs is an RSS agent

Dear Steve Jobs,

I am very depressed today. Honestly I am a very big fan of yours. In fact I cried only twice in life. Once when Michael Jackson died and second when you died. You were my hero.
But I came to know through very informed source that you are an RSS agent. My heart broke then. The name of that informed source is Honorable Digvijay Singh Ji. I am mentioning his name very respectfully because he is patrolling the internet these days and lodges an FIR against who ever he feels is using abusive language against him. It gives him enormous stress. Never mind his own language. He can call a swamy a thug. If things go out of hand he doesn’t hesitate to use his knuckles and knees. He can be a motor mouth really. But then he is Honorable Digvijay Singh.
Now you may wonder who is he and how did he find out about you. Well let me take back to your own country. After that dreadful 9/11, you remember the sniffer dogs you employed to find bombs. They are pretty smart dogs. My legs were shaking once when they came and sniffed my bag. Well this man is smarter. Here we use him instead to find out who is an RSS agent. And he is pretty good at it. His party is ridden with corruption. But he tries to pin all the blame on RSS. A good dog this one. I mean a good man. He does it very sincerely. In fact we are waiting for another startling disclosure from him. His honorable president recently went to USA for a surgery. Turns out that was the handiwork of some RSS goons. We are waiting for him to enlighten us.
He has other qualities too. He is the mentor of our crown prince. It couldn’t be for nothing. You see the prince holds a very important position in his party. Although he does nothing, they find ways to credit him for everything that goes right and find ways to cover up all his foolishness by apportioning the blame on someone else. And this honorable man is adept at it.
Another quality he has is he is a very secular man. He loves his muslim brothers. It doesn’t matter to him if they were terrorists. Well whoever said love is blind. So he calls the dreaded terrorist Osamaji . I do not know his views on another dreaded terrorist Kasabji. I guess we will have to wait for some elections to come. The fountain of love then simply overflows.
But coming back to you, why am I calling you an RSS agent. Well first of all my iphone crashed and I lost all my valuable data the day you died. I thought it was my tribute to you. Just like Nehru’s famous speech when Mahatma Gandhi died – The light has gone out. I thought all the iphones have gone. But no. it couldn’t have been anyone but an RSS agent. This was a conspiracy by your RSS.
Another point. Anna Hazare, that loathsome man, has given you the credit for his lokpal bill. He says that he saw the proceedings of the parliament on his ipad. Now my hero, the Honorable Digvijay Singhji has always claimed that there is a foreign hand actively trying to topple their clean government. People thought it is one of his usual rants. This horrible man Anna Hazare even suggested that he should be sent to a mental Hospital. But now he stands vindicated. Never mind the humongous corruption, never mind the inefficiency of his government, there is a foreign hand and that too, it is colluding with the most despicable RSS.
How could you my hero! Oh, how could you! Long live Digvijay Singh Ji.