Thursday, October 6, 2011

Sex and the City

The Dussehra came and went without a fuss. There was nothing much to celebrate. The Ravanas are still alive and kicking. We shall keep pretending that all is well. Anna Hazare will keep on threatening that he would go on a hunger strike for one reason or the other till people get bored of him. In the meantime the Ravanas in power will continue making money, those in Delhi will continue raping their women and those in Mumbai will continue throwing north Indians out of locals. Life will go on as usual.

My posts are fewer now. Almost like once a month. Been busy with completing my novel. Now wait eagerly for the literary agents to start rejecting! Rowlings was rejected some thing like forty times. So I still have a long way to go. Also there wasn’t much to write any way. Besides no one seems to be missing me. Ah Chetan Bhagat! I hate you. Your books are cheaper than my pizzas. I am losing not just my readers, but my customers too!

Being in Hyderabad has allowed me to catch up with whatever is happening on the TV. They Hyderabadis love their movies like they love their food- hot and spicy. Sadly, it is easier fighting in Kargil than going out and watching a movie. The Telangana war has brought out all the violence out of the movies and into the street. So TV is the safer option.

The Bigg Boss is back. It feels like the producer hired a porn writer, offered him some weed and a CD of ‘Snow white and the thirteen dwarfs’ ( OK. It was seven. Grant me the poetic license will you!) and ordered him to rehash. What we now have is a veritable soft porn of the basest kind. We have a eunuch, a snake charmer, the wife of a serial killer, a washed out Pooja Bedi who would surely dip the sales of Kamasutra Condoms which she had so steamily launched and a list of jaded out of work models and actresses. Shakti Kapur , the snow white does what he always did best. He can jarr your nerves. But still the peeping tom in me was kept glued. I wasn’t disappointed. God! Am I not cheap enough already?

Another show that caught my fancy is the one and only Rakhi Sawant’s show. It is quite refreshing. Contrast it with the plastic Simi Garewal. I have no hesitation in admitting that I am a big fan of her. She is plain guts! Nothing, not even a lack of talent, can come in her way. Her English can be as delightful as her personality. It took me a while to understand ‘small mammary’. For you ignoramus, She meant short memory!

But then, why single out her alone? The Hindustan times screamed a heading on Sep.28, 2011 ‘ Are we a nation of flashers!!” what is happening? Have we suddenly realized that we belong to the land of Khajuraho and Kamasutra? Or have we stopped using the dictionary because our staple read is Chetan Bhagat .

There was one show that was a definitely thumbs up. ‘The Masterchef Australia’. The participants are judged on their culinary skills by a team of very knowledgeable and polite judges. They have charm oozing out of every word they speak. The format is very tough and engrossing and there exists a very healthy rivalry among the participants. They are competitive but not mean. Interestingly, there is an Indian too. Kumar is surely kicking some ass. A must watch.

Finally, here’s the prologue of my Novel, ‘The Bare truth’. All kind of comments are welcome. Even the decent ones. To the abusive ones, I can dismiss them like the diva from that favorite news channel of mine. “ Trolls. They are plain jealous.”

Dear Ajinkya,
I hate two things in life. Prologues and tragedies. My bad luck, I am scripting both. Ouch! Even we have to swear by our luck!
Perish the thought that your Lady Luck is some sixteen year old sexy nubile. I am seventy five, arthritic and to make it worse have Carpal tunnel syndrome. So I take the help of my sixteen year old grandson to type your fortune. He is bipolar, ugly and an inveterate homosexual. I am old fashioned and cannot fathom how homosexuals can be gay? So I still call them homosexuals. Coming to my grandson, he is going through a severe depression. So he is vengeful. But I had seen the glint in his eyes when he saw your turn. After all you were the only male today. I was furious and cursed, “ Go kiss his ass.” Sadly for you, even a guy like him finds you ugly. That made him crankier. And so he replaced the ‘ss’ in kiss to ‘ck’. That is how you find yourself in the Hospital with a bruised ass. Wish I could say ‘Good Luck’! But I am helpless. I can, however, offer you some advise. Go find the right doctor. See a brain surgeon!

Yours truly,
Lady Luck “


  1. Awwww...we do miss you whenever we read such delightful pieces-but the book can take all your attention and we can of course wait for the bigger fish!

    And so aptly described the Big Boss misery-I lost interest in the series post the second fact lost interest in television all together-though I manage to catch Simi once and sighed at what she was doing on that funny new show of hers!Lol at the "short memory";-)

    The novel sounds way to interesting to make us wait for more-all the best! time to kick some ass:-)

  2. Thanks Suruchi.You have always been so encouraging. very grateful for those kind words.