Thursday, October 13, 2011

How Bhajji won the Champions League Trophy.

Lasith Malinga looked around and spotted Bhajji by the pool side eating vada paav and washing it with some fruity looking drink. “ Panha.” He explained. “ Made from raw mango. Very popular with the Maharashtrians.” Malinga was impressed. This is a really great country. Unlike Srilanka, they assimilate the other cultures so beautifully. But still he decided to probe deeper.
“ But I thought its time for a patiala peg.”
Bhajji lowered his voice. “ We are in Mumbai. Can you see all those pesky photographers. Let them click and go. Then we can go inside and eat chicken tikkas with some scotch.” Malinga was nonplussed. “ Why do you eat this if you don’t like?”
“ MNS. Raj Thakeray.” Malinga stared at him dumbly. “ Look. I am out of the national team and this is my only source of income. Can’t risk rubbing this guy the wrong way.”
Malinga looked at him suspiciously. ‘ et tu Brutus?” “ No. No. just a figure of speech.”
Malinga thought for a moment. So many questions and no Guru. He had another doubt. “ Why do they call it Mumbai team? There are no Mumbaikars. All are foreigners.” Bhajji shrugged his shoulder. “ We really don’t care. It’s a national culture. Don’t you follow politics? Our government looks Indian but look who actually controls.” Malinga was impressed. “ Wow. You are brilliant. You should join politics.” “ Well I tried. I met Madam Sonia Gandhi and Advani ji. Normally they contradict each other. But this one time they both spoke the same language. Both were tired of that one Sardar in their party and didn’t have the energy to handle another one. Advaniji went one step further and explained that the only reason he didn’t give permission to Navjot Sidhu to go to Bigg Boss was because they promised him that Sidhu would come out after one month. He thought he would be in forever.” Malinga wasn’t interested. He really came to chalk out strategy for the final against RCB. Bhajji’s eyes were focused. “ We will win the cup for sure. I have to teach someone a lesson.” Malinga surely understood. Now they were on the same page. “ Yes Yes . The selectors must be taught a lesson. How dare they drop you.” “ No not them. Who is interested in representing the National team. Haven’t you seen Gauti and Sehwag. It’s Mukesh Ambani.” Now Malinga was totally lost. What had Mukesh to do with it?
Bhajji Explained. “ You know why we lost the finals last time. Mukesh Ambani bribed our team to lose.” Malinga couldn’t believe his ears. Why would he do that. Now Bhajji was irritated. “ Don’t you watch the TV. Remember after the semi finals I had lifted Nita Ambani. Mukesh was plain jealous. He didn’t want a repetition. But this time I am determined. He is busy with many law suits. He watches more of Court proceedings than cricket. ” Malinga had another doubt. “ Don’t you think we will become unpopular with some Indians if we defeat their team.” Bhajji assured him that Indians were like oranges. We look one but remove the skin and we fall apart. We never agree on anything.
“ Besides if we lose, we will become unpopular here in Mumbai. This is our bread and butter now. Can’t risk doing that.” The veteran paused. Clearly he was thinking. “ You know the country supported me as one only once.”
Malinga had a wide grin. Wider than his wide balls, “ I can answer that. They are our enemy too. When you whooped the Australians.” Harbajan looked at him with pity. This dumbo can only throw slingers. But he was his team mate and had to be mentored. So he patiently explained, “ No silly. When I slapped Sreesanth.”
Malinga was overwhelmed. Here was a leader. We had to win for him. He was chanting while going to his room, “ Yes we can. Yes we can.” But Malinga being Malinga couldn’t remember which pop singer sang that song.


  1. Nice post sudhir. It's been a while since I last visited your blog. But it's still the same, refreshing & funny.

  2. Thanks Satish. Yes. It's been pretty long, haven't it? hope you are doing good.