The share market for Dummies

Guys, with the elections and IPL over , our season for illegal betting is over. So now we have to fall back upon our 24/7 casino, the Stock Market.

We were not considered Men till we started shaving in the good ole days. Now there’s a paradigm shift.
You are a man not until you have lost some Moolah on this Goddess of greed. Or is it God. Whatever!

Don’t question my credential folks. I take inspiration from Madonna. Yes ! if she can write nursery rhymes after her coffee table book SEX anyone can do anything.
( would love to meet all those kinky parents who bought her book – the nursery rhymes I mean.)

So Dear beginners. Here’s a lowdown on things you should know.

Free Market : Yes indeed. It’s a new term used when the boundaries between Satyam and ASatyam diffuse; A CEO can be a crook. A crook can be an MP. An MP can be a broker and a broker can be … I honestly don’t know what I am saying!

Dalal Street : No guys this not where Amar Singh lives. No not even Prakash Karat. This is the dream factory- the adult version of Disney Land.
A lot of dreams are made. And some quashed.
It’s a must visit once at least. I been to even it’s mother- the New York stock exchange.
So if you lose some money don’t despair. eat dosa on the other side of the road. The best I have ever eaten. It softens the blow. And if you lose in the NY exchange – eat hot dogs.

Sensex : For long enough this was the only word allowed in the homes of good middle class people with old world family values. A word with sex in it.
That is until a guy who answered to the name of Bill Clinton walked in. Then the TV salaciously started describing the tumbles of both kinds.
So guys always keep a watch. Nah not on Clinton or the white house.
The sensex - Yes the one with the sex in it.
It’s the most important organ in the stock business. I swear. No pun intended.

Bull : come on guys. He is not a bull. It was the cow and the calf, not the old ox who did it.
Granted folks Singh may be king but it wasn’t his Singh( horn) which exactly gored Advani’s butt.

So what is exactly a bull? Interesting question. Well I think it is someone like my friend. He bought Satyam shares even while Ramalinga Raju’s ass was being hauled to Chinchulguda. Sounds sexy? Well its where they keep crooks.

Ok. smart ass! You say its a bearish buy. Well I told you. The lines are hazy. To me he was a bull who didn’t listen. But any way he made money.
Jo chal jai wohi sher hai. Or rather bull hai!

Bear : That’s what you drink when you lose! Hick. Ask Mallya, the big big bear! . Or the entire Banglore team, the kid bears, who dropped the IPL like a pint of bear!

I hate writing at night. My eyes become hazy. Its not the bears.

Yup! Lets drink Mallya. Nope the king. Nope the fisher.

Whatever.