The Three Idiots; Nah just one!

End of a week which decidedly had ‘evil’ stamped all over it. Nothing went right.
Tanmay banged his cycle into a gangly kid, I accidently sat on kc’s reading glasses, the dentist pulled out the wrong tooth ( or so I thought) and my reservation for going to Bhopal wasn’t even confirmed till 12 at night. With the garangutan bags I had I couldn’t even dream of flying. The penalty would have added to more than the ticket.
I worried stiff the whole day for the poor kid. I stared at my computer screen but all I could see was the ugly gash on his knuckle. I worried if he was alright. Maybe he broke a bone. Or the dust may have inflamed the wound. What if he was allergic or worse haemophiliac. I thought of that moment when the accident happened. Tanmay was so miserable that he hid behind me like a frightened mouse. I looked at him wistfully and felt like hiding behind him. I worried for the kid and myself. Luckily the crowd wasn’t hostile. So I and Tanmay were safe but extremely worried and sorry for the kid.

I felt enraged when Tanmay had already forgotten about it by the time he returned from the school and chided him for being rude and lectured him on ettiquettes.

So the next day armed with some candies and cookies we went to apologize to the kid.
I heaved a sigh of relief as I saw the kid playing. I enquired if he was ok. To my horror even the kid stared at me blankly as if I was asking him something a month old. There I was expecting him with a swathe of bandage wrapped around his knuckles and both his palms. But The wound was as visible as the kid’s memory. Looked like I was the only one who remembered about the accident.
To add insult to injury Tanmay playfully rolled the packet of ‘good day ‘ on the bench and pointed his forefinger to the kid who had already admonished me for disturbing his game. I swear I could see a hint of sarcasm on the face of the eight year old boy. I sheepishly told him to enjoy it himself. The devil gave a cheerful grin.
Luckily the ticket in the first class in AP Express was confirmed at 12.30 am and then I started the packing. When I reached the station it looked like my house was on fire and I brought everything that was at home. I barely had my suit, two shirts and a few clean underclothes and three pair of socks. Rest all belonged to onal. She had left Hyderabad for good and I ever the chivalrous, was keeping my promise of bringing her things. Ah God! Why did you have to make me so good.

Inside the cabin, My things were every where.One suitcase was so excited that it even refused to go below the seat. It lay there in all its pregnant glory in the aisle. I never felt so embarrassed.
Fortunately the co passengers were charming people. One old couple and one young boy.
The journey was pleasant. I was carrying ‘The Kite runner’ by ‘Khaled Hosseini’, a sweet sad tale of two boys against the backdrop of war ravaged Afganisthan. I had reserved this novel in the Miami Library and each time the queue was 40/42. Luckily onal had purchased this one. I walked through the trouble torn alleys of Kabul as the writer skillfully weaved the tale.
A friend had gifted Chetan Bhagat in USA. I could barely read a few pages. I found it pedestrian. I find it hard to believe that he is india’s most successful story teller. All the rushdies , arundhati roys and seths. My apologies! This genex has very different tastes in reading.
The young boy in the next seat jumped on seeing the book and requested if he could borrow it. I cheerfully offered it as a gift. He asked me to write something on it . I wrote ‘ Life is a Journey. To my young journey man with the best wishes that he rides the train to success.’ From a fellow passenger . camp : Kazipet station.
He was impressed and insisted that I write my real name. also he wanted my gtalk. He introduced himself. He was doing his graduation from IITD. I flinched. I explained I was too old for him and I take the word friend very seriously unlike his generation and can claim barely four or five people as friends. He looked at me contemptuously and said he expected more broad mindedness from someone living abroad. I tried again.I lied that I don’t chat. He said we can exchange emails. I tried my charm. Told him that he was a very smart boy and kind of intimidated me. He was silent. I thought my flattery worked.
When I woke up chetan bhagat was lying next to me. The young man was pretending sleep.
I sighed and kept it back in my back pack.
Perhaps I am wrong. This time I will read the whole novel. I must stop seeing the world through my prism.
Also my apology to the young man. You live in another world. You live by your own standards. They don’t necessarily agree with mine. The chasm is too deep. Past experiences can validate that. Also the loss is totally mine.
I have no illusions .
There is just one idiot. And that is me.

Tomorrow the D Day. Indore and the grand engagement.

The Rip van winkle wakes up - Finally!

It’s been quite a while since I posted anything. Somehow the creative juices just stopped flowing. But many loyal readers kept requesting. I am grateful to them and bow to their wishes.

Yesterday was just another day. I was waiting for Tanmay to come and snuggle beside me in my bed in the morning. His mom keeps cribbing in a monotonous way which we blissfully ignore. Its only when her voice goes up a few decibels , we know its 7.15. Time to wake up. Ritually, we hop to the basin like Kangaroos and I splash water on his face to rudely wake him up commado style. Else he misses the bus. Yesterday he half opened his eyes as I splashed water and whispered that he can see shining stars. Saying this he splashed some water on my face and asked me if I saw them too.

Sadly all I could see was that I was getting late for my appointment with the dentist.

My overdrawn vacation is coming to an end and its time to leave. There is so much to do. Oral and medical check up, shopping , Drying cleaning the suits and most importantly attending Onal’s engagement.

I remember that time on the South beach in Pattaya, Thailand. A few kids were carrying tiny birds in their cages. I asked one if he was selling them. He replied that for 20 Baht, you can free them. It was an ingenious and harmless way of making money. My heart went out to the kids. After setting all the birds free, we watched them soar happily. Later we sat on the beach and ate their favorite thai foods- prawn fritters, barbecued meat, succulent melons and mangoes, tasty papayas. I wished that even these kid could soar happily like the freed birds. But all I could do was buy them one day of freedom and happiness.

Soon onal would be leaving too. Just like the birds. She’s lucky. She is going into a family where laughter and love flows like an eternal fountain. The delightful family doesn’t know of any differentiation between a daughter and a daughter in law.
But she will leave a big hole in our lives which would be hard to fill.

Also there is the added joy of meeting Yugesh. We haven’t been able to meet because of our preoccupations. He is a chip of the old block. This lad.
The last picture he sent was with a giant python wrapped around his whole body. His mom almost fainted!Must say weirdness runs in the family.


What am I going to carry with me to the USA? Some delightful sights and sounds. I didn’t travel much as I would have loved to. Couldn’t visit my favorite Haridwar. Nor Dehradun. But I was lucky to visit the one place which I always wanted to visit the most.
My birth place Kolkata. Strangely I never ever could visit it as an adult. Sadly it was just for a few hours. Reached by the morning flight and returned by evening. A garrulous couple sat next to me in the flight. They were chatting in non stop Bengali! I smiled at myself. These people do not even know that I too can claim a tiny part of the heritage of their beautiful land. When some one sings the timeless Rabindra sangeet in her melodious voice, she would tug at my heart string too. Every time I pop a sweet rosgulla or enjoy a mishti doi, the language barrier wouldn’t come in the way.
Chennai was also brief .one day flying visit. I was visiting after a decade or so. I deliberately skipped the pre paid cab and went out to bargain for fun. I thought I had struck a brilliant bargain outwitting them clever drivers only to be told by the security man at the hotel where I was lunching with a friend that I had been ripped by at least Rs. 150. so that’s one score I would have to settle the next time I visit Chennai.
I am borrowing this interesting youtube video from Yugesh’s orkut- Parota catch.
Its amazing how the cook’s toss and catch without dropping a single parantha. Its from a dhaba in Chennai. Admire his skill. The south zone dropped five catches of Yusuf as he plumelled their attack. Maybe the talent scouts can try these guys!

Reminds me of the chaat bhandar on Bada in Gwalior. We used to go there to not only eat his spicy and mouthwatering chaats but also to watch him toss the potato cutlet high up in the air and expertly catch it in the plate before mixing the other ingredients. I grew up watching him and wasting my money ordering plate after plate, each time wishing with a perverted mind that he would drop once on the floor. I am still waiting.

These and many such sights and sounds shall go in my bag.

An old class mate from school suddenly surfaced after almost 30 years. He is successful, has a huge house, happily married and well settled. He asked me about me.
I have nothing.

Just a suitcase and a passport full of visa stampings from across different parts of the world. He earnestly enquired when I would settle. Next year perhaps. Or maybe the year after!

Till then my bohemian rhapsody continues.

Thanks dear readers. I wouldn’t be here without you!

Newsmakers 2009!

It’s good to see the back of a depressing year. My astrologer has predicted a brilliant year ahead for me financially. Bless the astrologer! He spreads more cheer than the Governor of RBI who has predicted darker days ahead.

Some memorable moments of 2009.

Music :

MJ End of an era : As I read the flash on CNN, I went blank. A part of me died when I heard that the King is no more. Reams and reams have been written about him. There is noting much to write. All I can say is that The websters can describe ‘ Genius’ in one word – Michael Jackson.

AR REHMAN WINS THE OSCAR : I reproduce my tribute which I wrote when he won it :
There was nothing unusual last night. As the brightest stars of the galaxy came together to sparkle, we knew who will shine the brightest.
There was a feeling of Deja vu.
with him it never is will he , won't he? it always is 'when'?
Occasions dont decide him he decides the occasion.
and last night he looked at the oscars. " You are coming home!"
I doff my hat to this genuis. The jewel in our crown.

All I can add is that I doff my hat to him not only for his genius but also for his humility. We are indeed blessed- Oscar or no Oscar – to have him amongst us.

AR REHMAN : JAI HO.

Corporate :

The rise and the rise of Sensex : Show me a story with sex in it and you are showing me a best seller. Well most of the times at least.
How can Sensex fail when its last name is sex. Money and sex make a heady concoction. This one has both!
In all the gloomy scenario, this was one sunny spot. The captains of the industry can congratulate themselves for steering their industries so well.

Raju Ban gaya Chor : Ramalinga Raju was a civil engineer. He rose to fame and became the poster boy of AP Industry as his company Satyam rose to become the third largest Indian IT company. But the nation watched in horror as he confessed that he had committed a fraud of 7,500 crore rupees make it the biggest fraud in the world.
The hero became a zero and satyam asatyam. But full marks to the government for deftly handling the aftermath. The company looks to be on its road to recovery.
As Raju cools his heels in the Chanchalguda Prison, the CBI is running out of calculators which can count the amount of the fraud. Its now speculated that it may go beyond 12000 crores. This is not the end. Investors in USA have sued the company for over $ 1Billion in separate law suits.
This raju sure isn’t a gentleman.

Sports :

Tiger Tiger Burning bright : OK this isn’t about the famous poem by William Blake. This isn’t even about sports.
Tiger woods is used to being in the headlines. This time it was for all the wrong reasons.
But Tiger Woods validated my theory that stories with sex make good copy. He showed to the world that being accomplished in one field doesn’t exclude you from being an expert in another. He handled his club expertly on and off the field. So far we have heard about his 17 affairs. They are still counting.
While the delighted media exploited on all the juicy details and made bags full of money, poor Woods couldn’t plug the leak. An university study revealed the total loss of his philandering as $12Billion.
Silly Americans.
They want their sporting icons to be saintly like the Pope and their Pope to be a bit more sporting.
Whoever said sex is a great tonic? Not if you are Tiger Woods.

Movies : without any doubt ‘ Avataar’. With this movie Cameroon has played God. Literally. He created a new world. ( wonder if he slept on Sundays). This is the costliest movie in the history of movies. It needed a lot of skill, imagination and lets admit balls of concrete!
All the movies in the future will be judged only on one basis : Pre Avataar and Post avatar.

There were many who could have been up there – Saina Nehwal , who polled more than the cricketing icons as the sportsperson of the year and dislodged Sania Mirza , another hyderabadi and equally precocious talent as the most popular sportsperson, Shashi Tharoor , the tweeting minister, the one bright spot in an otherwise drab and inept government, the unassuming Resul Pookutty , the other Oscar winner, ND Tiwari ( come on guys he got more hits on Youtube than Sachin Tendulkar!), Shahrukh khan’s tantrums at the New York airport or Sonia Gandhi for rewriting the Congress History ( Imagine the 125 years celebration of congress and no mention of PV Narsimha Rao! Lady we didn’t know your talents as a historian. Congress we never knew was all about only the Nehrus and Gandhis! We thought there were many other people) the list is endless.

But then Blogging and advancing age reduces your options. both rely on brevity. One cause of space constraint another cause of memory constraint. The aging brain can only rememeber that much.

Another day Another Bandh!

Man proposes and the Railways disposes. My reservation remained no.2 in the waiting list and I am still in Hyderabad facing another day of Bandh. Thank you Railways.
Yes this is the same Railways which transformed our tainted Lalu Prasad Yadav into David Blaine the perfect illusionist. On second thought Lalu was always good.
Anyone who can make all that fodder vanish must really be good.

But this time he out did himself. He not only created an illusion , But he also embarrassed his political masters. To top that, He even embarrassed an ivy league university no less. The PM, a legend in economics, must be squirming in his seat for he was very effusive in praising the Railway minister’s Midas touch and how he brought the railways from the red into the black. But frankly , All the ex- minister really succeeded was in making the third A/C very very uncomfortable with that foolish idea of adding a middle berth in the side berths. Also he rubbished Abraham Lincoln’s famous quote “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time”.

With all the egg the Harvard university had by inviting him to lecture their students, I am sure that the venerable dean can have a hearty breakfast. I am looking forward to a sequel to the book “ what they don’t teach you at Harvard” maybe something on the line of “ What they shouldn’t teach you at Harvard.”

But give the credit where it is due. Were it not for that feisty lady of Kolkata, Mamata Banerjee we would still be singing Lalu chalisa. It was she who brought out the white paper and explained how he manipulated the statistics to give an illusion of profits. She gave a valuable lessons to all the youngsters out there that statistics are like bathing suits. What they reveal may look promising but what they conceal are vital. So guys look out for the real stuff!

With the train refusing to take me in, I don’t have any option but to sit through another bandh. However, people have learnt their lesson three days back during the earlier bandh and hence all commerical establishments and schools etc. have already declared a holiday. So this one looks to be peaceful.
There are more than 12000 policemen around. Thats very comforting indeed.
The government has cancelled more than 7000 buses and over 150 trains.Wise decision. Granted it would lead to a lot of inconvenience.

But better reach late wherever you are going rather than not reaching at all!

The agitating parties have warned against any new year parties. So giving all the revelries a go bye. Given a choice between shaking my butt and protecting it, i prefer the second option. Any way I have two left feet. so no great loss to anyone.

It’s going to be a sedate farewell to an eminently forgettable year.

The only notable event this year was the beginning of this blog.

Thank you to Sundeep. You made it possible. Thanks Satish and Sis. You gave me the encouragement. A special mention of Sandeep who really showed me what is a blog.

And above all thank you dear readers. It was gratifying to see readers from as far as Kerala and Kashmir in India to readers from different parts of the world. I am truly honoured.

This blog began as something to kill time and because of your constant encouragement became an integral part of my life. I pray to God that he gives you a longer life than me so that i am never starved of readers! Finding readers with discerning and sophisticated taste ( ahem!) is tough and I am glad I found you.

My sincere wishes for a very happy and a prosperous new year. Hope 2010 turns out to be much happier and sunnier than the previous year.

Sex, Lies and a trampled State.

Delhi is a complex city unlike Hyderabad.

There is a metaphor hidden under every stone there. These days there is a chill in the weather there. But Delhi being Delhi ,the chill is both metaphorical as well as real.

Hyderabad on the other hand, is blazing hot. Yet Hyderabad too, being Hyderabad, It’s plain and simple metaphorical.

Sounds convoluted? Pardon me guys, Like George W Bush, I am lost. There is a madness in the air which has done me in. and no one can blame it on the sun. Its benign at this time of the year.

The Economist Dr. Manmohan Singh could advise PM Manmohan Singh to invest money in buying a unit manufacturing zippers. His party needs them badly. The sheer number of zippers required would justify buying it.

The congress men need zippers to shut their lips as well as their flies. That would save them a lot of blushes and the country a lot of grief. The situation in AP could have been far better only if Home Minister knew how to keep his mouth shut. Added to that , now we have the embarrassing Governor’s sex tapes released.
If only he wore pants instead or dhotis which had zippers!

When Governor N D Tiwari was the chief minister of UP, he was called as Nothing Doing Tiwari since nothing moved during his tenure. From nothing doing to Naughty Doing, that’s quite a flight. Even Bill Clinton could tip his hat in admiration. This man is 85!

So indeed the water in the land of Kamasutra does have something in it.
Now that he has been relieved of his duties as a Governor, he may well be a consultant for Play boy.

The only two in the party who don’t need a zipper are the PM himself and his Honorable party President, Yes the one with the Capital P. They both would do well if they talked a bit more. While AP is burning, not a word from these two.

I envy Mrs. Sonia Gandhi. She can have her cake and eat it too. Dr. Singh can simply watch and wring his hands helplessly.

What she grandly offered as a gift to the state on her birthday till some clever leader from the opposition reminded her that their state is not a birthday cake which can be cut, soon became an albatross. But hail the congress. The Goddess can do no wrong. So while the state burned she happily ate her Birthay cake. Any one reminded of Nero!

The BJP isnt quiet either.

Arun Jaitley can shout hoarse from the roof top.

But the pitch in Ferozeshah Kotla ground was not a pitch. It was a minefield.
I wouldn’t suggest that pitch for any one. Not even the Australians!

Alas, Delhi Cricket match was just a game! The Sri Lankan team will go home. The media will find something more interesting. We shall continue to be the no.1 team. And wait for the Common wealth Game to screw up.

Hyderabad is more serious.

There is a bandh again on the 30th. The city I love looks like an army cantonment. I eagerly await my reservation status. Planning to leave for Gwalior tomorrow. I am no.2 on the waiting list. I have no option but to play the waiting game.

Wish the Governor and the Home Minister had done that too!

Merry Christmas!

The office secretary in my friend’s office brought a delicious Christmas cake today. It was as delicious it was big. It was a traditional rum soaked cake rich with resins and other dry fruits. We left our diet plans for a while and simply hogged.

As the aroma of the oven fresh cake wafted through the office, it brought back many happy memories of the Christmas of yore, those days when Christmas was not gloomy as it is now because Christmas means the end of vacation and time to go back to USA. In fact many times I have watched nostalgically my favorite Christmas themed movie, “I’ll be home for Christmas” alone in my apartment in the USA, Ironically returning from home on Christmas.

The Josephs were our neighbors when we were seven and eight year olds in Nagpur. They were an old couple as their children were married and serving in the forces and posted in Delhi and Chandigarh. So Christmas became as much our festival as we helped Mrs. Joseph in decorating the house with buntings and helping her with the batter for the cakes. We went all dressed up with them to the church and watch movie about Jesus.

In the evening there used to be games and show at the Airforce ground and a junior officer dressed as Santa used to distribute gifts to us children. This used to be followed by a grand party at the Josephs residence. I can close my eyes and still savour the keema samosas that she made.

When we shifted to Chandigarh, there were no Christians around and it lost the personal feeling that once we had. Later they became just another reason to get sloshed.

Hyderbad is remarkably egalitarian and the Hyderabadis enjoy every festival with equal fervor. From the mouth watering Haleems to the roast turkeys, the denizens of this charming city show no partiality to any one cuisine.

I remember the Christmas office party in London. I am a big connoisseur of Red wine but somehow the white wine is a strict no no. Now every party in the west begins with champagne and then graduates into whatever you like. Unfortunately my lovely colleague just heard the wine part and sloshed me with the bubbly . Not wanting to appear rude and chivalrous to the core, I dutifully kept emptying flute after flute!
I promised myself that I wont ever hence forth discuss my wine preferences with a half attentive blonde ever again.

Turkey isn’t much popular in India. But in the UK, stuffed turkey is the perfect Christmas lunch.

I shall never forget the kindhearted neighbor in Miami who delivered a platter of turkey and other savories before they left for their Christmas dinner. I didn’t have to worry about cooking for a week!

Christmas is the celebration of love and happiness. Lets spread the message of universal brotherhood and peace.

Paying for my indulgence folks!

I am finally done in by the delectable cuisine of Hyderabad. All the succulent biryanis, mirchi ka salans, khubani and double ka meethas have left an indelible mark on me( my waist ). Now I have to suck in my breath to button my pant.

However things didn’t look that serious till I overheard tanmay, my friend’s precocious seven year old ,commenting to his mom that if Uncle starts exercising, he will become Shankar bhagwan from Ganpati. Desperate measures needed!

Getting to an hour glass from an apple shape is easier said than done. I calculated my hip and waist size. Definitely an apple. Though not the rosy Kashmir type. There’s still hope. If Adnan Sami can do, any one can!

Mornings are starting a little earlier than before. A game of badminton, a few cardios and running up the stairs. Haven’t yet started weights. Floor exercises also have to be added.

Cutting my favorite sweets and starch out of my diet. Next week maybe go for a one week diet plan. This is also a good detox. It’s a very scientific plan calculated by taking the body requirement of minerals and vitamins into account. The first day it’s all fruits. No bananas though. The second day it’s all vegetables no potatoes though. The third day is a mix. All the body needs are calculated. For example Potassium and other salts are provided by the bananas on the third day, the starch is provided by the baked potato. Iron and proteins are provided by the meat on the fourth and fifth day.

I remember my trainer from Miami. He was totally against any dieting. In fact he didn’t even allow me to cut down on my wine. More parties meant more time in the gym.
He was a hard task master. We used to do weights, machines, floor exercises followed by 40 minutes of rigorous cardios.

He just had one mantra, “ Bust your ass, Sudhir. That’s the only way.”

I am glad he is thousands of miles away.!!!!