Wednesday, June 15, 2011

An open letter to the PM.

Dear PM,
It’s been a while since I wrote a letter to you. But trust me I remember you every single day. It is because of a young boy, Tony. Now if you were my fan and read my blog regularly, you would know who is Tony. But I doubt that. So let me enlighten you. He is my friend’s precocious nine year old son.
If that isn’t enough to interest you, let me tell you one more interesting facet about him. This would certainly interest you since you are a great patron of arts. I gathered it when that bare footed artist died in exile and suddenly your whole party including you and your reverend realized his greatness. Death can certainly absolve one of all his sins, no? well , this young boy is a step ahead of this artist. He doesn’t walk barefooted. He runs totally bare. Admire his latest creation as I come back to our story.
So whenever I call young Tony and ask him what is he doing, he says that in his sing song voice, “ Kuch Nahi”. That immediately reminds me of you.
If anything offends you sir, promise me not to let lose your favorite tear gas or water cannons. I, too, am like those unarmed women and children on whom your police showered their benevolence. Also please don’t arrest me or send me to Tihar. It is anyway overflowing with your brothers and sisters in arms. There would have been some space if the DMK had won. But no such luck. You have to move ahead in life. so rightly dump them and go ahead and sew an alliance with Amma.
Sir, you completed two years in power. Well done. We all stood and observed a two minute silence.
This country is doomed anyway because all the opposition is provided by naked fakirs and tired old men. The BJP is busy dancing at Rajghat.
But if you are serious, which you always are, I have a few advises to make. Trust me this talent comes to me naturally. I can give advises on all issues which I have no knowledge of. No sir, thanks , but please don’t offer me membership of your party. My talent would stand no chance against the superstars in your party.
But sir, do invest some money for the sake of your party. Find a good English teacher who can teach elementary English to your entertainers. You have studied in Cambridge and don’t seem to be doing much anyway, so maybe you could offer them some advise. Please teach them that when someone says that he hates your party for its corruption or inefficiency or brutality, he means just that. It doesn’t mean that he is a Hindu fundamentalist or an RSS agent.
Also please invest on a good dentist. Make express reservation for Digvijay Singh, Kapil Sibal, Manish Tiwary………… what the heck, the list is long enough. Go find all the dentists you can. You won’t find enough.
You don’t have a problem. Its an epidemic. The doctors call it ‘ foot in the mouth’ disease.
Another advise. Send that great Digvijay singh back to MP. Let him lose it, instead of Delhi, for you. You are not winning there any way. Each time he opens his mouth, you lose some thousand supporters.
Haven’t heard from another favorite of mine, Rahul G; which means there are no elections round the corner. Remember the famous seasonal cuckoo comment by our Mamta Didi and he shooting back to the journalist, “ do I look like a cuckoo to you?” The charming journalist was too decent to comment. Please enroll him in your elementary English classes too.
Hope this helps.
Forgive me. I must now go. I have to pray. I know it didn’t help the naked baba. But still this world lives on hope.

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